When Grief Feels Like Nothing
And what can help when you feel numb, checked out, or “fine”...
Yes, I’ve been there… and it sucks feeling flat.
Someone asked me this the other day:
“If I feel nothing… does that mean my grief is gone?”
It’s a great question.
And the short answer?
No.
Grief doesn’t always show up the way we expect.
It’s not always sadness, tears, guilt, anger, or even anxiety.
Sometimes, grief shows up as… nothing.
🫥 What Emotional Numbness Really Means
You might feel:
Like you’re floating outside your body
Like joy feels flat or muted
Like you’ve been on autopilot for months—or years
Like you can’t remember the last time you felt fully present
This isn’t healing.
It’s not peace.
It’s survival mode.
And for many of us—especially if you experienced sudden loss, unresolved family trauma, or felt like you had to “stay strong” for others—this emotional shut-down is how your nervous system kept you safe.
But staying numb forever takes a toll.
Especially when all you really want is to feel anything but this ..you want to feel well, but you’re not even sure what that means.
Yes, I’ve been there and I still have some days where I feel nothing.
When this happens, I return to this:
🌬️ When You Can’t Feel—Start By Noticing Your Breath
When we disconnect emotionally, our breath is usually the first thing to go.
It becomes short. Shallow. Barely there.
The good news? Your breath is also your way back in.
It doesn’t require words. Or processing. Or being “ready.”
0 effort, really.
It just asks you to come home to your body—gently, one breath at a time.
✨ Try This: The 4–6 Grounding Breath
This is a simple breathwork or pranayama practice to help you soften the edges of numbness without forcing anything.
Simply notice your breath and consciously release it.
Here’ how to do it:
1. Sit comfortably and inhale through your nose for a count of 4
2. Exhale through your mouth for a count of 6
3. Repeat for 5–10 rounds, slowly
4. Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly
5. If you feel a shift—tingling, emotion, warmth—let it come
6. If you feel nothing? That’s okay too. Keep breathing.
The goal isn’t to “fix” anything. It’s to create space for sensation, for feeling whatever comes up, for present moment awareness, for you.
Now, I’ll be honest.
If you want to re-regulate your nervous system, it’s gonna take work.
You’ll have to practice this grounding breath, mindfully, consciously for about 5 minutes, 2-3 times each day.
In the morning when you wake up … mid-day.. and in the evening or before bedtime for a total of 15 minutes (minimum).
If you do this consistently for a few days, you’ll begin to notice a shift and when you do, keep practicing until you feel better, and more alive again.
🌿 I want you to remember:
Numbness isn’t failure, and it’s not “bad” to feel nothing.
It’s simply grief without a place to land.
And sometimes, just breathing with it—without judgment—is the first step toward feeling again.
Take your time … start with just 5 minutes, 3 times/day…
Your body IS listening…try this, and see for yourself.
If you found this post helpful, you’ll want to join me this Thursday.
I’m opening a new theme for July:
Grieving the family who won’t show up.
Ouch… yes, it’s incredibly painful and it makes your grief feel x2 or more.
I’ll talk about what it means to lose your parent, or any loved one —and then feel abandoned by the people who should have stood beside you.
If your grief has been made heavier by silence, betrayal, or family fracture, maybe for a multitude of reasons…
I want you to know you're not alone.
And your story belongs here.
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Sending strength and love,
Karen 💜